Do you ever feel like you want to do something but can’t find out what that something is? It’s like my body and mind wants motion but I don’t want to start anything. It’s a weird feeling. Anyway, I played video games for way too long today. I’m sick, so I gave myself playing video games as a present but let me tell you: Five and a half hours is too long to be playing. I want to say that it’s because I’m “old”. But it was equally bad both for body and min when I was younger. My physiology could just handle it better. I felt empty after playing for too long when I was younger as well, like I had lost a part of me. I think I’m just better at reflecting about it now. Or maybe I forgot about reflecting about it before. That sentence is a handful. Won’t change it though. When I waste the morning by playing video games the rest of the day becomes a journey to finding productivity again. I should print a sign saying: no video games in the morning. Or late evenings for that matter. Technically I shouldn’t play at all because I don’t derive that much pleasure from it. But I guess from time to time I need to remind myself of that. I should just invest in a sign to hang beside my computer. Sitting down to read after playing video games for that long is just impossible. It’s a small miracle that I’m doing anything productive at all today. Also because I’m sick. I’m gonna dare to go out for a very slow run and see if it worsens my condition or not. With some luck, good food, and rest in general I’ll probably be fine.
I’ve decided to just run with being a genius. To be clear, I’m not a genius. I can tell you that I’m running with it, because you’re not reading this. So here is the deal: I read the study material before every lecture, take notes and all those relatively simple things. Because of this I can ask more complex questions and discuss certain things with the lecturers. People see this as a sign of me being very smart; they will come to me and ask questions and because I read the literature I will know it. Maybe that is what it means to be smart, just reading a bit more. I’ve met people who I consider very smart, and they are just so much smarter than I am. Or maybe they read more than me. I’ve decided to run with being a genius because I feel like it will challenge myself to be better and work harder, hopefully not to an early grave though. I do think I can be better, but I also believe that all other people in my class can be as well. I don’t share my notes because I want someone to coast through the education but because I want to challenge myself to understand the material better and become better at presenting it to others. I hope no one uses is as a crutch to work less hard because it won’t work later.
The question now is: should I keep on writing my novel or leave it mostly be. I just deleted some text because I decided that of course I should write my novel. LOL.